I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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