he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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