A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
