Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's never too late to be topless.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
