Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's like heaven, but drunker
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
