Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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