omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
