So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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