I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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