What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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