So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
