Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
