I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I faked an abortion last night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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