Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
