saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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