I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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