I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
