My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
