I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
