Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
