I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
