I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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