i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
