Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
