I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
