No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Randomize
