Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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