I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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