I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
