That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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