The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
