it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
