Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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