I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
