Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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