You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
