I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
