She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
