In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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