he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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