Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
