it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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