I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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