In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
