i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
