I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
