Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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