Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
