Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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