Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
