I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He had one of those small greek statue penises
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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