I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
