Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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