He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
