They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
