worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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