So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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