I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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