I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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