how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
