In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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