Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
