yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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