So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
