My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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