i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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