I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
