Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
