I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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