it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
