Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
